if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
