mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
