Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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