I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
50% drunk capacity currently
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
