did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
