Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
