Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
