Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
