HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
