u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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