I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
