Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
