Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
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