So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
