dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize