Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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