I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
