Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
