this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
