i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize