your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i dont even know how to be here
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
