wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
