mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
