Sober January is a disaster.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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