My sheets look like a crime scene.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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