the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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