so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
