i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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