true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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