I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
