id be glad to
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
