My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
