I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
