The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
