so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
