its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
