I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
