I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
As shirtless as possible
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize