my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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