All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
