Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
