ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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