Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
