i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
