Umm I'm too high to move.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
