sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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