this beer tastes like vomit already
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
