So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
