he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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