Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
