The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize