I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
