i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
