i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
