My brain says no but my pants say off.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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