Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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