I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
