Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
