We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
