I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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