STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
