at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
