This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Randomize
