Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
