Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
