Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
