yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
