Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize