Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
