i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize