oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
