The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize