I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't deserve a penis
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
