I need help removing her.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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