It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
