As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
